Say Yes to No

quiet time • The Artist’s Way • IE Principle #7: cope w/your emotions with kindness

Our food relationship is influenced by what we eat, how we think about food, and how we live our lives. When we’re overwhelmed and constantly coping, it shows in our food relationship. Chaotic living usually doesn’t result in calm and connected eating, you know?

tuning in to me

Twenty-two years ago, as a new mother juggling a career in software development, I sought counseling for the first time ever. The therapist’s gentle questions led to me bursting into tears: “You mean, I don’t have to make everyone else happy all the time?!”

Now we’re getting somewhere!

That was the beginning of me tuning in to me. Not me pleasing, proving, or pretending everything was fine. Me, feeling.

When I stopped using food to cope, all kinds of unfamiliar emotions showed up: shame, confusion, anxiety, anger. Feeling was tough work, but the reward so satisfying that I’ve never “relapsed” or returned to distracting habits. It’s all about connection, and it does start within—to our heart, soul, and centeredness.

The Artist’s Way and Saying Yes to No

One of my best friends left software for social work; tech can do that to you. Many years after her departure, as I made my own way out, she gave me a book, The Artist’s Way. I never would have picked it up on my own because, I’m not an artist, I narrowly thought back then.

The key practice in this book is to write “morning pages,” three sheets of stream-of-consciousness writing first thing in the morning. No one’s going to see it, you may never return to it, but getting stuff out of your head and onto paper works wonders.

Those few minutes became so healing for me that I have jumped out of bed at the crack of dawn ever since so that I can get my “quiet time” before anything else happens in the day. I’ve learned to hear and get around my inner critic (hello, perfectionism), connect deeply to all that is Good and Beautiful, and align my heart accordingly. In this proper context, I pursue my needs and desires, which has required a whole new approach to my calendar. Instead of saying yes to every request that comes my way, I have learned to say no; it feels good to honor myself and live without resentment.

Intuitive Eating Principle #7: Cope w/Your Emotions with Kindness

When I was healing my food relationship and practicing mindful eating (which for me came a few years before Intuitive Eating), there were times I still found myself eating chocolate chips while standing in the pantry or cereal straight from the box. I began to ask myself a question, “Is what I’m doing with food right now a kind and loving action?”

No was the obvious answer, but what to do next? Did I really want to eat whatever it was? (Then put it on a plate and sit down and enjoy it.) Was I hungry? (Ditto) If not, then I got to: stop-drop-and feel—what was I feeling? Frustration with an overloaded schedule? interpersonal conflict? exhaustion? Was there anything positive I could do about it?

All of this led to honoring myself instead of pleasing other people. I learned to say no and set boundaries. This is kindness. This is self-compassion. This is taking care of yourself. All very good things that require feeling, not numbing yourself with food.

Smooth Sailing, Fix Your Food Relationship in 2025!

So this is week 8 of what I’m calling Smooth Sailing, how to fix your food relationship in 2025. I’ll keep posting every Monday. Please subscribe and share. Thank you so much for being here!

Here’s a recap so far, since the beginning of January:

About Love & Cookies, homepage

Fix Your Food Relationship

Week 1: Food Addict? Or Something Else?

Week 2: Health and Happiness

Week 3: Sugar “Addiction” and Primal Eating

Week 4: One is Never Enough…because None are Allowed

Week 5: Nutrition is a Thing

Week 6: Allow Yourself to Receive

Week 7: Think About Food Less + Enjoy it More

Have a good week!