"French Women Don't Get Fat" and Other Nonsense
non-diet gaslighting • speaking of portion control • chocolate cake
It has been close to twenty years since the release of the book, French Women Don’t Get Fat. I picked it up years ago as I was coming to the realization that honoring food and honoring my body were somehow linked and that the typical American food relationship of restriction and overindulgence did nothing but exacerbate our health woes, mental as well as physical.
As a Francophile with distant family ties, I’ve always sensed a rightness to the French approach to food and its place in daily life—the everyday joy and sense of connection it brings, to nature’s seasons and among people. While staying with Kathie Alex at Julia Child’s former home in the hills of Provence, she told us to put our croissant-fearing mindset aside for the week and experience a different way to be with food. Each day, we cooked all morning, then sipped aperitifs in the courtyard, and sat down to a beautiful lunch. Day two’s menu included: minted melon with prosciutto (Melon à la Menthe et Pastis avec Proscuitto), asparagus terrine with tarragon (Frittata d’Aspèrges en Terrine avec Sauce Estragon), grilled chicken legs stuffed with goat cheese, preserved lemon, and herbs (Poulet Niçoise aux Citrons Confits du Pays), Simca’s saffron rice (Risotto), and a flourless chocolate cake (Gateau au Chocolat, Mona Divin). In the afternoon we took naps, walked in the hills, and shopped for charcuterie, cheese, and wine to share on the patio for dinner.
So, back to this book…while it speaks to the good of French food culture, it hurts my heart with its non-diet gaslighting. On page twenty-six is a recipe for “Magical Leek Soup (Broth)” which “serves 1 for the weekend” while you “recast” your eating behavior. On page thirty-eight, an “Apple Tart without Dough” made with apples and cabbage leaves. Poking around in this book today is almost giving me a panic attack.
Speaking of Portion Control…
It’s true, every bite and lick and taste counts; it all adds up and makes an impact. Rather than mindless grazing, wouldn’t you rather sit down and enjoy a proper meal? Have a glass of wine at the end of the day? Eat chocolate with your coffee?
Instead of vigilance against “offenders” (another reference to Mireille Guiliano’s book, as it still sits here with me at my desk) figure out what it is you really enjoy and make space for those things in your eating. I think she’s trying to say this, but the word “offenders” is food moralizing and that can keep you stuck in diet mentality. It’s better to neutralize food, allow it all, but—reality check—some things are treats and should be enjoyed as such.
I love half and half in my coffee, chocolate with my sourdough toast and coffee, wine (I love wine!), potato chips, and fries. I’m a baker, so like to enjoy all those things too—sourdough bagels, chocolate cake, and freshly baked cookies like these that I adapted from the New York Times. If I overeat/drink these things, I feel it, so without counting things, I do limit my treats.
I aim to make my meals nutritious and generally eat three times per day. Treats fit in between meals, if I’m hungry for them, but to be honest, when I’m eating satisfying lunches and dinners, my desire to eat treats sometimes isn’t there. And my urge to nibble this and that is constrained because, wouldn’t I rather have a glass of wine (or even two) with dinner? Bien sûr!
Chocolate Cake
This weekend we had both “kids” home on spring break, so I baked a cake. If in diet mentality (“ooo, cake. that’s a no-no. it’ll make me fat/gain weight.”), I would have sliced off a sliver every time I passed through the kitchen and felt guilty about it. Since I’m free from that, I had a slice Friday night and another Sunday afternoon, and that was that. A treat. Enjoyed. Not binged, not obsessed over. Just cake, sitting there looking pretty and enticing. A decision to be made—do I want to eat it? Or is it enough to just look at it and remember how good it was when I last ate some? Delicious cake, respected. Body, also respected. (It’s a great cake, here’s the recipe.)
Smooth Sailing, Fix Your Food Relationship in 2025!
So this is week 12 of Smooth Sailing. We’ve covered the 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating, but I’ll keep posting every Monday to share my perspective on how to practice it and free yourself from diet mentality. Please subscribe and share. Thank you so much for being here!
Here’s a recap so far, since the beginning of January:
About Love & Cookies, homepage
Week 1: Food Addict? Or Something Else?
Week 3: Sugar “Addiction” and Primal Eating
Week 4: One is Never Enough…because None are Allowed
Week 6: Allow Yourself to Receive
Week 7: Think About Food Less + Enjoy it More
Week 9: Your Natural Healthy Weight
Week 10: Fit-for-You vs. Body Beautiful
Week 11: Enjoyment is Part of Being Healthy
Have a great week!
I was utterly lost for awhile in your beautiful description of a perfect, "Pride and Prejudice" like day. Enjoying food, naps, wine.......Love, LOVed LOVED!!
I used to love that book! But you’re right it was gaslighting